Kicked in the teeth: a guest post from the Caregiver

Mike Moonis, the Caregiver (my Caregiver), is one awesome husband. Today, I offer a view from where he sits. You can follow him on Twitter here or Facebook here.

At the airport, headed to Mexico.

Sometimes caregivers get kicked in the teeth. 

As a caregiver, whether it’s some sort of cancer, Alzheimer’s, heart disease, or whatever, we try our best to make a difference in our love one’s life. Most of the time we succeed. We rub a sore muscle, we fetch a late night snack from the kitchen, or we lend a shoulder to cry on. We attend every doctor’s appointment and help remember that conversation we had just this morning. Successes, though minor in the big picture, successes none the least. 

This is not my first encounter as a caregiver to cancer. Fourteen years ago cancer picked a fight with me in the form of breast cancer with my wife, Lea. Like a rookie in the NFL, I was thrown into a world of learning the entire playbook the day after the draft. New terms, new teammates, new concepts, all focused on helping me help her. Together we studied the tendencies of our opponent, historical records that might shed some light on our own playbook that would form our attack on this disease. Surgery, chemo, radiation, we are winning. Then our opponent pulls out the trick play we never saw coming. Brain metastasis. A few months after that, BOOM, the game is lost. 

Recently, I sent my current wife, Patti, who has Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML), on an all expense paid trip to Mexico that was gifted to her from a long-time friend. What a blessing for her to spend a whole week relaxing in a five star resort on the Mexican shore. We spoke many times and she FaceTimed us a few times. She looked and sounded GREAT. Long soaking bubble baths, resting on the balcony feeling the warm surf breezes, relaxing poolside with a bowl of ice-cream with sprinkles.  No complaints. 

Travel days were a little harder, but for the most part the trip was just what the doctor ordered. I was feeling pretty good that her quality of life was improving. The New Normal that we (she) have been dealing with since before her diagnosis seemed to be leveling out. I was very encouraged. On returning home, she was excited to tell the whole family about her experiences in Mexico and how much she missed us all. The second night home, I asked the question I always dread asking. … 

“How are you feeling, Honey?”

BOOM, reality hit me in the face!  It seemed the stresses of home had returned her to the New Normal we have become accustomed too. It was like getting kicked in the teeth. I could not help feeling like it was my fault that she was feeling as bad as she has felt over the last year and a half. It seemed to me and my pea-brain that while she was away, she felt better than she did when home. 

In no way do I blame her for this setback. She has the courage of David in the fight against this giant. I read more than a few comments on Facebook where patients are ready (or have already) to stop their medication, giving up on the playbook, because of their quality of life issues. I can’t begin to question their decision because I don’t really know their true story.  But I am grateful that Patti has the fortitude and the strength to continue fighting the fight. I have been blessed to be the caregiver of two strong women who love and trust God. And when I think of them and their fight, only one verse comes to mind.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

 Now that’s a hell of a playbook! 

Simple Guy: a guest post by the Caregiver

Lyrics from Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man."

Mike Moonis, the Caregiver, is one awesome husband. Today, I offer a view from where he sits. You can follow him on Twitter 

here or Facebook here.

I’m just a simple guy. 

I like meat and potatoes, even if it’s just a hot dog and French fries.  I don’t like to think too much. If too many thoughts get in my head at one time, I get mixed up and I have to cull out some ideas just to get a handle on things. I think a lot of guys fall into this category. NOT ALL.

Some intellectual types, some well versed fellows and the worldly traveler dudes appear to be able to sip on a glass of 20-year-old scotch and debate the ins and outs of the literary works of 18^th century authors like Jonathan Swift or Samuel Johnson (yeah, I had to Google them). 

Not me. I only want to know if anyone can beat Hank Aaron or Babe Ruth’s home run record (without having an asterisk next to their name). 

On the other hand, most of the women I have the pleasure of interacting with on a daily basis DO NOT fall into the “simple mind” category.

For example, my wife, (yes, Chemo Brain herself) finds it amusing to sit there while I’m trying to relax (getting a hockey score or two) and pelt my ears with heavy question after heavy question.

"Did you know what happened to Helen in school today?” 

“Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment at 12:30. Can you take me?”

“When you’re not busy, could you read this article I saw on Facebook about what you get when you pour molten aluminum into an ant hill?”

These are all solid questions, which I should hear and spend the appropriate amount of time contemplating (well maybe not the ant hill one, but it was interesting).

but not all at once.

Not in the amount of time it takes for my coat to leave my shoulders and hit the floor. Oh yeah, I went there. We simple guys need time to process our thoughts. Time to order our thoughts into some semblance of importance and, only then, take one individually and process each subject to its end. 

But, Chemo Brain is firing off questions faster than a Gatling gun. Cranking off thought after thought until my brain is riddled with meaningful questions. Now her thoughts are mixed up with my own questions. 

“Who is going to play 3rd base for the Yankees next year?”  

"Are Tim and Tickle going to get their MASH to the STILL in time?” 

“I wonder how long it’s gonna take for her to call me out for the coat on the floor thing?”

There seems to be no hope for me. Simple Guys need simple instructions to make it through the day. The Bible is a complex read, yet, once you break it down into smaller chunks, things become crystal clear. Narrowing down your focus to simple truths will bring all your questions to a simple and manageable result. 

“So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong.”  1Kings 3:9A

“Blessed are the poor in spirit … Blessed are those who mourn … Blessed are the meek … Blessed are those who hunger … Blessed are the merciful … Blessed are the pure in heart  … Blessed are the peacemakers  … Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness  … Blessed are you when people insult you  … Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”  Matthew 5:3-12

Simple, right?